Leaving a situation that doesn’t align with your well being and growth is scary .. but it isn’t dangerous. A terrible job, relationship, friendship — leaving those things behind may be intimidating, but doing so can’t hurt you. I realized a few months ago (after a few therapy sessions), that for a large sum of my life I’ve lived in fear. Fear of letting others down, fear of not being liked or loved, fear of not being what I once thought was successful. This fear led me, it led me to overachieve and overcompensate in certain areas, to be an increasingly better friend or girlfriend to those who didn’t reciprocate — just because I was afraid.
Over the past 2 years, I’ve been able to shed relationships and situations that no longer serve me, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized a major part of my unhappiness was due to the fact that I wasn’t walking in my purpose. I had become more consumed with trying to rise up the ranks within my industry, for more money and hopeful clout amongst my peers, but each day I felt less and less fulfilled. I kept telling myself to be grateful, be grateful — but it honestly felt like I was settling. I may have been a director, but I was still at the mercy of my boss, a designer who’s vision I had to see through and promote everyday — not my own. The environment (sadly, like most fashion PR positions) was draining, each day I’d leave mentally and physically exhausted. Instances that would not have bothered me as an assistant, were sending my anxiety through the roof. I don’t know if it was my increased self awareness, but I didn’t want to stand for it anymore. So last month, after having a nervous breakdown in the office where I was crying and shaking while expressing my frustrations to the head of operations — I realized I needed to just leave.
I didn’t have another job lined up, no other steady source of income — but my gut told me it was time. I had to put my money where my mouth was and live in faith, not fear. The following Friday I put in my two weeks notice and from there decided it was time to bet on myself. It was a scary decision, but I knew staying in that position was far more dangerous.
I don’t personally condone jumping ship with no plan of action — hell, I surprised myself in doing so, because I am not spontaneous. However, when something is weighing on your heart, your mind and spirit so heavily that it feels the entire universe is begging you to make a change, first listen to it. Then fix it. This is the way to self-discovery, and trust me it feels so good.