AishaBeau
  • Home
  • About
  • Categories
    • Beauty
      • Skincare
      • Hair
      • Makeup
      • Nails
      • Fragrance
      • Face Time
    • Wellness
      • Mental Health
      • Hygiene
      • Sex
      • Body
      • General Wellness
    • Lifestyle
      • Travel
      • Home
      • Relationships
      • Food + Drinks
  • Youtube Channel
  • Podcast
  • Contact
  • Beauty
  • Wellness
  • Travel
14K Followers
23K Subscribers
452 Likes
836 Followers
Subscribe
AishaBeau
AishaBeau
  • Home
  • About
  • Categories
    • Beauty
      • Skincare
      • Hair
      • Makeup
      • Nails
      • Fragrance
      • Face Time
    • Wellness
      • Mental Health
      • Hygiene
      • Sex
      • Body
      • General Wellness
    • Lifestyle
      • Travel
      • Home
      • Relationships
      • Food + Drinks
  • Youtube Channel
  • Podcast
  • Contact
  • Body
  • Relationships
  • Sex
  • Wellness

How to Talk About Your Sexual Needs With Your Partner

  • October 15, 2019
  • 4 minute read
  • Aisha Beau
sexual needs
Photo by Laura Margarita Cedeño Peralta on Unsplash
Total
0
Shares
2
0
0

As open as some of us may be when it comes to talking about sex with our friends, or seeing it on television, tackling the subject head-on with a partner is a very different story. There’s a level of vulnerability that can come into play when it’s time to open up about our sexual needs and desires. We either worry about being judged or making the other person feel like they aren’t good enough. Which are both valid reasons, however, sex is meant to be enjoyed. It’s a time to connect with your body and your partner. So, what’s the use in shying away from making it more worthwhile?

When we open up about our sexual needs we’re leaving little room for error. If your partner knows what and how you like things, it’s essentially unlocking the cheat code to sexual satisfaction. On both ends.

When you feel satisfied, you’ll be more inclined to give that satisfaction. Also, you’ll feel more at ease opening up and trying new things that may take your sex life to another level. And I get it, this all sounds great and beautiful–but it’s sometimes easier said than done.

To be honest, I’ve been there. My boyfriend and I have been together now for 3-years and there was a bit of a learning curve in the bedroom, to begin with. My needs are more specific and it wasn’t until I opened up about them that we both started to feel more connected.

Research shows that couples who talk constructively have more satisfying sex and generally happier relationships. Here are some tips on how you too can open up with your partner about your sexual needs:

Take The Conversation Outside Of The Bedroom

Nothing ruins the mood more than a serious conversation. Instead of sparking things up just as you’re about to get it on, hold off until another time that is comfortable for the both of you. Maybe over dinner, or while you’re snuggled on the couch together catching up on shows. You’ll both feel more comfortable than being hit with something heavy on the spot.

Have The Conversation When You’re In A Good Place

Telling your partner you aren’t satisfied right after sex is bound to make them feel defensive or insecure. Also, don’t bring it up if you’re upset about something else or in the heat of another argument. What you want to convey will get lost in translation, and may make matters even worse than either of you intended. Wait until you’re both in good spirits to have the conversation, so there aren’t any guards up.

Ask What Their Needs Are First

It can sometimes be easier to ask the other person what their needs are before starting off with your own. Ask your partner about what turns them on, what are some things they’d love try in the bedroom, what their favorite positions are, what you do specifically that turns them on and so forth. This will make you feel more at ease and willing to segue into your own needs.

Talk About What You Like, Instead of What They’re Doing Wrong

Once the conversation gets brought up, instead of telling your partner what they’re doing wrong–focus on what would be right, for you. For example, instead of saying “you never want to give me oral sex” say something like “when you give me oral sex it really sets things off and puts me in the mood.” This will pique your partner’s interest and can actually turn the both of you on in the process.

This also goes hand in hand with things that may make you feel uncomfortable. So, if you get self-conscious when the lights are on, but your partner never seems to want to turn them off, say something like: “When the lights are on during sex I’m more in my head, but when we turn them off I feel free and much more in the moment.” This not only signals to your partner that they need to be more mindful, but it will make you feel more liberated. You aren’t allowing yourself to be forced into an uncomfortable situation, and are instead making a change that brings you satisfaction.

Lastly, Keep The Conversation Going

Talking about your sexual needs with your partner shouldn’t be a one and done situation. It’s a conversation that should be brought up continuously. As human beings, our needs change, and it’s good to keep the lines of communication open throughout your relationship. If things begin to pick-up in the bedroom, vocalize it. Tell your partner you loved the last time you had sex, and specify what made it particularly special. They may, in turn, open up with you, and make you feel special as well.

Sex isn’t one size fits all. And with a little communication, before you know it, you’ll adopt a routine that’s perfect for both you and your partner.

Aisha Beau Post Signature

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)

Related

Total
2
Shares
Share 2
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • sex
  • sexual desires
  • sexual needs
  • talking about sex
  • talking to your partner about sex
Aisha Beau

I'm a writer, speaker and founder of AishaBeau.com, a digital destination highlighting all things self-care for women of color. I specialize in writing about beauty, mental health, travel, and wellness topics, highlighting the importance of internal and external well-being.

Sign Up for My Newsletters

Never miss a post. Get self-care tips and exclusive content.

You May Also Like
self-care journals, aisha beau
View Post
  • Lifestyle
  • Mental Health
  • Wellness

The Best Self-Care Journals of 2021

  • January 13, 2021
  • Aisha Beau
manifestation, aisha beau
View Post
  • Mental Health
  • Wellness

A Guide to Setting Intentions + Manifestation

  • January 12, 2021
  • Aisha Beau
Holiday Gift guide 2020, aisha beau
View Post
  • Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Wellness

2020 Holiday Gift Guide

  • December 8, 2020
  • Aisha Beau
nightly showers
View Post
  • Beauty
  • Body
  • Hygiene
  • Lifestyle
  • Wellness

5 Products to Help Make Your Nightly Showers More Luxurious

  • October 27, 2020
  • Aisha Beau
flamingo pubic wax kit, aisha beau
View Post
  • Beauty
  • Body
  • Hair
  • Hygiene
  • Skincare

At-Home Bikini Wax Tutorial Using The Flamingo Pubic wax Kit

  • September 17, 2020
  • Aisha Beau
birthday, aisha beau
View Post
  • Lifestyle
  • Mental Health
  • Wellness

Thoughts on My 31st Birthday

  • September 1, 2020
  • Aisha Beau
View Post
  • Body
  • Wellness

Work Out With me! Easy At-Home Routine for Beginners

  • August 27, 2020
  • Aisha Beau
woman jump on body of water
View Post
  • Lifestyle
  • Mental Health
  • Wellness

Nervous about taking a leap of faith? Here’s some motivation.

  • August 24, 2020
  • Aisha Beau

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

about
Re-Written Podcast
Re-Written: The Aisha Beau Podcast is your weekly dose of all things self-love. Each episode is concise, and features uplifting yet actionable words of encouragement meant to kickstart your day, help you unwind in the evening, or boost midday morale.
LISTEN HERE!
Follow Me
14K
23K
452
836
Featured
  • melissa butler, the lip bar, aisha beau

    Face Time With Melissa Butler Of The Lip Bar

    View Post
  • Le'Dia J. Smith, Travel Expert, Millennial Travel

    Travel Tips With Le’Dia J. Smith!

    View Post
  • Alyssa J. Francois

    Face Time with Alyssa J. Francois!

    View Post
Read Next
  • self-care journals, aisha beau 1
    The Best Self-Care Journals of 2021
    • 2 minute read
  • manifestation, aisha beau 2
    A Guide to Setting Intentions + Manifestation
    • 4 minute read
  • birthday, aisha beau 3
    Thoughts on My 31st Birthday
    • 3 minute read
  • woman jump on body of water 4
    Nervous about taking a leap of faith? Here’s some motivation.
    • 3 minute read
  • 5
    I’m Doing a Week Long Staycation, Here’s How You Can Too
    • 4 minute read
Navigation
  • Home
  • About
  • Categories
    • Beauty
      • Skincare
      • Hair
      • Makeup
      • Nails
      • Fragrance
      • Face Time
    • Wellness
      • Mental Health
      • Hygiene
      • Sex
      • Body
      • General Wellness
    • Lifestyle
      • Travel
      • Home
      • Relationships
      • Food + Drinks
  • Youtube Channel
  • Podcast
  • Contact

Sign Up For My Self-Care Newsletter

Never miss a post. Get self-care tips and exclusive content.

AishaBeau
  • Home
  • About
  • Categories
  • Youtube Channel
  • Podcast
  • Contact

Input your search keywords and press Enter.

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.