Why Being Clit-literate Is An Act of Self-Care

Did you know that the full shape of the clitoris wasn’t discovered until 1998? Yes, only a little over 20 years ago. And it was all thanks to urologist Helen O’Connell, who took it upon herself to dispel the negative or nonexistent insights previously written about the female genitals. This lack of concern surrounding the female anatomy makes it no surprise that the pleasure gap still exists. A 2016 study found that 95% of heterosexual men usually or always orgasm during sex, compared to 65% of heterosexual women. A large majority of women say that stimulation to their clit is necessary for an orgasm, yet it can be the most overlooked aspect of sex.

Compared to everyone else, heterosexual women are often getting the short end of the stick when it comes to sexual pleasure. One of the main reasons is that the early narrative surrounding orgasms said the “vaginal orgasm” (achieved only through penetration) was above clitoral stimulation. This for years has shamed many women from seeking their full pleasure potential with partners. It was seen as “immature” to orgasm primarily because of your clit and not simply penetration. But the thing is–the vaginal orgasm is actually a myth, according to experts.

It is impossible for a woman to achieve an orgasm from penetrative sex alone, the clit has to be involved whether internally or externally (among other things). The clitoris’ only function is for sexual pleasure. Ignoring the clitoris is like telling a man that he must enjoy sex without having his penis included at all. And we all know that wouldn’t go over so well. So it’s time we shift the conversation surrounding pleasure and make the clitoris the new star of the show.

How to Put Your Clit First

Often times as women, we put the pleasure of our partners above our own, but receiving pleasure is a form of self-care. Many factors go into achieving an orgasm and enjoying sex, like a connection with your partner, feelings of comfort, low-stress, and desire, as well as foreplay. And Clitoral stimulation is a good place to start. So, whether you’re pleasuring yourself or explaining to your partner your needs, prioritizing your clit is key.

Receiving pleasure is a form of self-care.

It’s important to understand that the clit isn’t just the small outer organ that we see above our vaginal opening. It’s far bigger than that, with a number of internal parts, and twice as many nerves as the penis–8,000 to be exact. So, there is A LOT of pleasure to be had, ha!

Garnering clitoral stimulation can be done by using your hands and fingers, friction on other body parts, or now with the use of more modern and innovative sex toys. In recent years, a number of progressive sex toy brands have popped up with clit-centric products to help better achieve orgasms.

There shouldn’t be shame in seeking pleasure, and thanks to advocates like the visual artist and speaker Sophia Wallace, who started the Cliteracy movement, these gender hierarchies when it comes to sex are being disrupted.

Brands like Dame are on the front lines of the fight against the pleasure gap, by not only providing products but information to help change the narrative. Their goal is to make pleasure assessable to everyone. Here are some of their clit-friendly toys that are great for when you’re with a partner or on your own.

Dame “Fin” ($75) *a vibrator for your fingers

Dame “Pom” ($95) *my favorite! It’s great on your own or with a partner

Dame “Eva II” ($135) *A hands-free vibrator

Using one of these during foreplay and sex will help stimulate the nerves in your clitoris and make an orgasm more easily achievable. As you feel more stimulation from your clitoris, your desire becomes heightened and can further enhance the sexual experience for both you and your partner.

The next time you find yourself in doubt of prioritizing your own pleasure, consider these scientifically-proven benefits of having orgasms:

• Combats Stress
• Glowing Skin
• Strengthens Your Immune System
• May Help You Live Longer
• Helps You Sleep Better
• Makes You Feel Happier

Receiving pleasure is a form of self-care. So today, tomorrow, or later on this week take a moment to tune into your body, or express those needs with your partner!