Finding The Right One Isn’t About Fixing Yourself, It’s About Loving Yourself

I’m going to begin this post by saying, who you are, who you are at your core does not need fixing. The layers, the personas, piled on top of that core self, can often blur our vision of who we truly are. Especially, if we’ve had to play a role or put up a guard for many years. And when it comes to getting to the root of self-care, which is self-love, it isn’t about fixing who we are, but instead, peeling back the layers to reveal our authenticity, our essence.

As children, we are born loving ourselves wholly. And for some of us, this sense of love, self-confidence, awareness is clouded by our need to protect ourselves or to fit in. Instead, we love ourselves when the outside world deems it appropriate to do so. We go on living to meet *that* standard, never truly uncovering or embracing our own.

And when it comes to dating? The heartbreak, mixed signals, loneliness of it can leave us questioning not only our worth, but what we need to “fix” about ourselves. When in fact, we don’t need fixing, we just need to get back to our core.

Once we begin to look inward and become re-acquainted with ourselves, our lives change. And our dating lives become more favorable.

When we lean into self-love…

We have a clearer understanding of our needs.

By tuning in to yourself, you can better grasp what type of partner and relationship would best fuel you. Instead of setting standards based on what the world around you thinks, you focus on the qualities that are solely right for *you*. Despite anyone else’s expectations.

We have a lower tolerance for disrespect.

Gone are the days of dating someone who takes you for granted. Often times, we hold on to relationships that make us feel like shit, because we fear being alone. By leaning into self-love, being alone becomes a lot less scary than staying with someone who doesn’t know your worth.

We attract similar energy.

When we love ourselves, we attract others who feel the same or who are willing to look inward. We aren’t stuck trying to mend or fix our partner, instead, we water one another, equally. We both know we aren’t perfect, and are brave enough to learn to grow together.

We come from a place of fullness, instead of lack.

Ever notice that when we fixate on things and beg and plead to have them, they take longer to appear in our lives? When we focus so heavily on what we desperately need to happen, instead of making moves, nothing comes to fruition. You never want to be in a place of “needing” something or someone so badly that once you get them, you lose them because you haven’t taken the time to do the internal work.

When we lean into self-love, our days alone become less lonely. We begin to understand that we aren’t empty, we’re evolving, and can better align with someone who compliments that fullness.

You are worthy and deserving of love–it just begins on the inside. So, the next time you’re feeling particularly down on yourself, recite this mantra:

“I do not need to be fixed. Instead, I am working on realigning with my core. I am focused on embracing my essence.”