Why I’m Not Looking for “Mom Friends”
For weeks I’ve been going back and forth about whether I’d share these sentiments because the subject of motherhood is so touchy for a lot of women.
And at the risk of sounding judgmental, because we all have different journeys, live in different areas, and our support (or sometimes lack thereof) isn’t the same. I’ve wanted to be mindful of how this comes out.
But, after being pregnant now for 6 months, one of the last of my close group of friends to have a child, and seeing all the various messages on motherhood and what’s “expected”, I’ve been bursting at the seams to share this message.
To me, categorizing someone solely as a “mom friend” isn’t a compliment. It pigeonholes their persona to one single area or aspect of their life. And I just can’t—actually, I don’t want, to get behind it.
I am blessed with intelligent, beautiful, talented, and ambitious women surrounding me already, many of whom are also mothers. And if I were to fix my mouth or mind to call them a “mom friend”, that would be a disservice to who they are as a human being and woman.
Why is it that once women have children, all that’s made them an actualized human being beforehand is stripped away?
The self-love, mental health, career, relationship journeys we’ve been on for all of these years leading up should not be in vain.
Who we are shouldn’t end once we get pregnant, if anything this is yet another notch on our belt because we all know that women are capable of so much.
And the thought of only associating myself with people who spend every waking moment discussing babies, children, and the plight of motherhood—isn’t my cup of tea.
I get it, being a mother is lonely.
You’re the only one who carried this child, and they’re more than likely most attached to you. So, you take on a majority of the responsibility.
But self-preservation is just as important. And sometimes, having a well-rounded set of eyes, ears, experience, and energy around you can help you in staying true to who you are at your core.
My goal through this pregnancy and beyond is to preserve my humanity, my womanhood, and allow that to guide me to being the person I know I can be. And a mother who inspires their child to live life on their own terms.
I prayed for this baby, and I couldn’t be more excited to become a mother, but one thing I know for certain is that motherhood is my next chapter. Not the entire book.