Are you a safe space?

Last week, while straightening up the kitchen, David and I got into a minor tiff.

I saw a red spot on Shai’s nose, mentioned it and David said he didn’t see it. I said (in what he explained was “a tone”) “you don’t see it?!” as I went over to show him.

To which he yelled out something along the lines of “I’m trying to see it, give me a second, damn!”

I gasped, and yelled back “you don’t need to yell at me!” and he said “Well you didn’t need to say that with an attitude!” I huffed and went on to washing the dishes in silence.

Very silly, very minor, but it rattled me.

I was so upset he’d raise his voice at me, especially over something so simple. And kept thinking to myself, doesn’t he know that I’m going through a lot right now? How could he be so mean?!

Now, the thing is—David isn’t one to have outbursts like that. Especially over petty ish. So him raising his voice at me is very out of character, which is why I was caught off guard. And it got me thinking about something I shared last month on Threads.

I wrote, “are you a safe space for your partner? I think about this a lot when I notice myself nitpicking or being overly critical. What’s worth bringing up and calling out? The world outside of our relationship is hard enough, so I want to be a soft spot for my husband to land.”

This was one of those moments where I had to step outside of myself and think with compassion. Although it’s not okay to raise your voice at your spouse (either of us!) this outburst reminded me that I’m not the only one going through it right now. Life is hard. David has a lot on his plate and sometimes that stress can bubble over into annoyance.

We both apologized to each other later on that evening and I expressed to him that I understand how it feels to have someone hovering. Constantly critiquing your every move, decision, and speaking to you with judgement—or a tone. Especially now as parents. It’s like we’re always under a microscope.

And because of this shared experience, we have to be eachothers’ safe space.

Whether you’re in a romantic relationship, or a platonic relationship with a friend/family member it’s important to hold space for their emotions, and be compassionate. There’s a time and a place for critique, feedback—and nitpicking just isn’t worth it—even if you say things in a joking manner.

We’re all going through enough. So let’s just be a bit more thoughtful.

xo, Aisha Beau