You have the tools

“You have the tools,” is the first thing my therapist told me when I told her I was pregnant back in March.

After sharing with her my excitement, I got real about my mental health concerns through the process. As someone diagnosed with anxiety disorder and PTSD, staying on top of how I feel and respond to things on a day-to-day basis is so important in my journey.

Especially, since I weened off of my medication close to a year prior to getting pregnant. I did so to create less of a risk of my unborn baby, but that also meant more work for me on the self-care front to maintain a sense of peace and keep that fog lifted.

I took her words to heart and for the most part throughout this pregnancy I’ve done really well. But, as we get closer (one month ‘til my due date to be exact), it’s gotten a lot harder to stay afloat.

The conversations about various complications, the increase in scans and testing, new (and not always favorable) developments that can change the course of my birth plan. On top of money quite literally flying out the window in preparation, and so much more—my head is spinning.

And these pregnancy hormones that have me in tears almost every day, aren’t helping.

But I’ve had to remind myself on various occasions that I *do* have the tools to get through this.

Often times, when we’re bombarded with one thing after another coping can feel impossible. We can feel overwhelmed, overcome with so much that there seems to be no way out, yet there always is. It just depends on our outlook and what we’re willing to shift or prioritize in order to make it.

For me, it looks like an increase in deep breathing, meditation, slowing all the way down and becoming more present. It’s also about talking back to myself, often, and countering negativity with facts, instead of catastrophizing.

It’s also about doing a lot less, and giving myself permission to pivot, instead of piling more and more on my to-do list. Not everything I want to get done can or will get done, and I just have to give myself the grace to be okay with it.

Lastly, for me, it’s opening up to those closest to me. The plight of being a high-functioning person with anxiety and depression is that most of the time, people forget. And you hold it together so well that even when you remind them, they may not take it as seriously as intended.

But I promised to myself that it’s time for me to get vulnerable. When someone asks how I am not just saying “good, taking it a day at a time,” and instead giving the real. And letting those who can help advocate for me, do so.

These are my tools, and I want you to ask yourself what yours are. You have the power to clear the fog, to get your head above water and create room for peace in your mind and life.

xo, Aisha Beau